Faire les courses en France n'est pas les doigts dans le nez

I figured out why French people are willing to peel themselves out of bed on Sunday mornings to shop at markets: the grocery stores here are enough to make one want to curl up in a corner and die. Or maybe that's just the effect the grocery store has on me.

I have the opportunity to cook several times in the next few days, which I am oh-so-excited about. Last night I very enthusiastically wrote out a grocery list of the supplies I need to cook a true Southern meal for my French family, but today I set out with some trepidation for the Carrefour at Part-Dieu.

There are several million people living in Lyon and the surrounding areas, and there is only one major mall: Part-Dieu. The complex is completely unmanageable; in some cases there is more than one of the same store, presumably because if you were in the basement in the south corner of the mall, you would be insane to try to get to the fourth floor in the north corner. The commercially savvy have therefore placed their store locations in several areas. The issue is not that Part-Dieu is that large, the issue is that Part-Dieu is that crowded. When several million people do all their mall shopping in the same place, it's impossible to hit an off-time. The fact that I hate shopping there speaks volumes, because I usually love to shop, and the merchandise selection is really very wonderful.

Despite the overwhelming nature of the mall, it's in the center of Lyon and has a metro station that feeds directly into the center. The combination of these elements makes the Part-Dieu Carrefour the most convenient place for me to shop. "Convenient" is not really the right word, but you understand what I'm trying to say.

You most faithful readers may remember that I have previously discussed Carrefour with a somewhat amazed tone, tinted with amusement. Carrefour is interesting when you have to go in to pick up a few objects, but there is absolutely nothing funny about having to do actual grocery shopping there.

Shopping carts cost money to use (I suppose this is an attempt to limit the space taken by carts so that more customers can cram into the store), so most people carry large bags or roll their personal shopping baskets through the store. Shoppers are therefore constantly knocking and jostling each other around trying to manage unwieldy loads in such close proximity. I will proudly add at this point that I have purchased my reusable carry bags for groceries, so I too can do my shopping in bags. The purchase wasn't so much an ecologically conscious decision as it was a necessary action: Carrefour does not give bags with the groceries. Each customer is responsible to figure out how to bag and carry their own items away from the cash register.

So I march into Carrefour today bearing my shopping bags with a fairly comprehensible list. I know the task won't be easy, so I steel my nerves as I enter the food section of the store. Moving through produce isn't too much of an issue, but the number of people significantly weaken my resolve. I become even more disheartened when I go to find frozen broccoli and have to sift through selves and shelves of frozen broccoli puree to find actual florets. Why would frozen cubes of broccoli mush be a larger selling item than whole pieces of broccoli? Such a consumer product is obviously the work of the people who are toasting bread before putting it in the package.

By this point, my sacs are getting heavy (not to mention that I'm still wearing my backpack from school), and I have passed upwards of 40 minutes bumping into strangers, so I'm really wanting to leave. I move towards the dairy section of the store for butter and sour cream. Not so hard, right? Wrong. Carrefour Part-Dieu has no less than five, yes five whole long aisles, of cheese, cream, butter and milk. I can't imagine the disappointment a French person would feel stopping at Kroger to pick up the Land O'Lakes right next to the Daisy. Needless to say, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what kind of cream would be the closest thing to sour cream. Fighting the urge to take the fetal position on the floor, I finally selected some sort of 30% Normandie something something. Bags and arms full, I moved towards the registers.

The register lines are always insane. Part of the quality assurance promise of Carrefour is that you will not wait in a check-out line for more than 20 minutes. This fact is written on signs all around the check-out area with exclamation points, as if the corporation has achieved a great feat of efficiency. Thoroughly worn out, I settled in line for my 20 wait.

Carrefour is about 45 minutes by metro and bus from my house, so I had to schlep my rather heavy groceries over quite a distance before I was relieved of the load. For everyone's amusement, I will add that I had to run with all these groceries to catch my bus at a very large station. I can't imagine what I looked like, since I can't run anyway, and today I had stuffed bags dangling from my arms. And it was raining.

Obviously, I made it home. Perhaps my exasperation was really more an effect of finishing another week of intensive French study than the actual shopping situation. I suppose some parts of this narrative exaggerate the point a bit. But you all understand that my brain is completely fried! And I must point out that since the grocery store is 45 minutes from my house, when my arms were full, I had to be done shopping. Unfortunately, my arms were full about halfway through my list, so tomorrow I will once again have to gather my bags and return to the Carrefour.

On the bright side, I tasted the 30% Normandie whatever cream, and while it's not sour cream, it's not exactly NOT sour cream. I've proclaimed the substance close enough!